It’s the third Sunday in June and the grass
is green, the US open is in full swing, and Dad’s across the country are waking
up to messy hand printed pun crafts in their honor. I have been thinking about what I wanted to
say to my husband and father of our three young boys, to let him know how I
really feel about him and his relationship with our three children.
Across the country in Facebook groups,
coffee shops, and in workrooms alike – women for as long as I’ve known them
complain about their husbands. Chiding
them on their subpar parenting skills, lack of attention with cleaning or
remembering details of their kid’s lives.
Being too engrossed in their own adult life to turn into their children
basic needs of lunch and a diaper change.
Chortling over their inability to feed the kid’s dinner and get them to
bed ‘properly’ when Mom has to go out for the night. And how the saying should really be changed
from, “I slept like a baby”, to I slept like a husband. Adding their husband in as an additional
child when discussing family dynamics, because after all, although he is a
grown man, who can’t take care of himself.
Demeaning comments, undermining the collective ability of fathers to
adequately parent their children. Well
not me.
I refuse to engage in the stereotypical female
banter of husband bashing. I just won’t
do it. It’s just not nice, and for me,
it’s just not true. I feel for those
wives who truly don’t have someone in their house who pulls their weight with
the daily monotony of life, but I am not that woman. I have a husband who, like me, works long hours,
and still rushes home and without a spare second to himself turns into an
engaged parent until the daily chaos of supper, playtime, bath time, bedtime
has finished. I have a husband who
cleans, and does laundry (so much better than me- I’ll admit it), and cuts
lawns, and works out, and sometimes if he can carve out some time for himself
plays golf. But the one thing he will not do is babysit.
Never.
Not once, ever, in four years has he ever babysat our three sons. Seriously.
We have three boys; an almost
four year old and 16 month old twins and not a day in his whole damn life has
he EVER babysat them. And you know
why? Because he’s their father,
and damn straight he doesn’t “babysit” his own kids. He just watches and parents his kids like any
other night of the week, whether he has me there or not.
Could you imagine, as a mother, if when
your husband went out – you were looked at with distrust and wide eyes, “Ahh,
good luck Mom! How will you manage this
without Dad around?” or “Ah, Mom’s
babysitting the kids tonight because Daddy finally
gets some time to himself because she’s always out.” What if a total stranger approached you at
the park and said, “Stuck babysitting tonight?”, because that must be the only
explanation for you spending one-on-one time with your children without your
husband with you? Sounds like bullshit
doesn’t it. Well, that’s because it
absolutely is.
So to the Daddy’s, who are just like the
Mommy’s but probably a hell of a lot cooler.
Who say yes to the too big ice cream cones and Doritos before
dinner. Who have patience for days when
three little monsters crawl all over him with the risk of getting a black eye
or a kick to the nuts at any moment. Who
make the memories that childhood are made out of with infamous with daddy
swings, water gun battles, trips to suplex city, and horsey rides. Who in spontaneous moments of pure love, give
nosey-noses and pinch cheekie-cheekies with the dedication of a stereotypical TV
grandmother. Who give the best blast-off
rocket ship rides to the ceilings. Who
kiss boo-boos and stick paw patrol band-aids on the war wounds of childhood,
and read the best bedtime stories. Who
never miss the opportunity for Daddy cuddles, and watching their child
contently fall asleep beside them. Who
get up to fill that glass of milk one more time, and never get to eat a hot and
peaceful dinner. Who give the time-outs
and put toys in the naughty box. Who
change disgusting diapers, and rock cranky babies in the middle of the
night. Who follow through with the tough
lessons, through the tears and the tantrums.
Who instill morals and ethics daily into their children by modeling
compassion and love and hard work. Who
refuse to take a back seat to this amazing job of parenting, because these are
your children and are the mini-versions of your heart beating out side of your
body. Who have the most special bond
with these sweet little monsters who destroy your house daily but fill your
heart with the most immeasurable amount of love you have ever known. Who do not babysit because these are your
damn children and you are not some teenager getting paid to watch netflicks
while the kids sleep.
So today on Father’s Day – lets honor those
wonderful husbands and fathers and give them the respect they deserve.
To my
incredible husband, who is such an outstanding father. Who works tirelessly day and night, by my
side, as we raise our three boys
together. Who deserves just as much
respect as any mama, because you are a damn fantastic Daddy. I hope you feel all the love we have for you
today, and that you get a peaceful couple of hours to watch the back nine of
the US open or maybe some of the soccer game with a nice cold beer and a bowl
of Doritos that you don’t have to share.
Ah, who am I kidding, the only way that’s going to happen is if we get a
babysitter.
