So my last post had quite a bit of anger in it and it seems to have struck a chord. Whether it be people assuming the post was certainly about them, or being worried that something is definitely wrong with me and I'm in a horrible place in my life right now, or even other people messaging those who shared the post to make sure that everything is ok with them. So I feel like it's time to give you all ...people who know me personally, as a friend, acquaintance, or only from what you read on my blog... a bit of an insight into naptimerambling.
The funny thing about writing a blog is that it takes me days, sometimes weeks to start, write, review and subsequently publish any post, so nothing is ever posted in a spontaneous manner. (My type-A personality wouldn't have it any other way.) And while much of what I write is inspired actual events in my life, there are portions that are not about me at all. I have a pretty extensive network of wonderful new Mothers that I do the majority of my socializing with, and like most women, we talk about our lives. It's usually while listening to these women talk that a light bulb will turn on in my head saying, "Hey, I didn't know someone else felt like that too... I thought it was just me... I should write about that..." and off I go to start my next post. Anonymity is key. I will never sell anyone out as the inspiration to my writing. I have integrity when I write, and I have no intent to break any of the trust I've earned with my friends. And interestingly enough, the anonymous muse for my last post hasn't read it and probably never will.
I am not in a horrible place in my life, in fact, I'm pretty damn happy. My stresses from pregnancy have disappeared, my son is happy and healthy with a mane of hair that most babies are jealous of... and somehow I did figure out how to be a Mom. My marriage didn't take a figurative 'hit' when we had our son, in fact I only feel closer to my husband who never complains, always comes home with a smile on his face, is the first to ask me if I need anything, and is hands down an amazing baby-guy and Daddy. My son and my husband are the keepers of my heart, and I love them fiercely. I'm blessed with the life that I have. But who wants to read about that crap, right? Pass the barf bag.
So instead, I choose to write about the common place trials and tribulations that many new Mothers experience. It isn't meant to hurt feelings, but is purposed to give validation to other Mothers who didn't realize that other people are in the same boat, navigating the often rugged ocean of motherhood. Because no matter what circumstance you find your life in, motherhood can be isolating and it is nice to know that you're not alone feeling like you're losing all sense of yourself while you sit covered in baby vomit in your good wear yoga pants, with your unclipped nursing bra, and disheveled 'used-to-be-a-pony-tail-this-morning' hair staring comatose at The Wiggles wondering if any women actually would have sex with any of those men... especially the pirate, because he is by far the worst one on the show.
Yes, I meant everything I said in my last post. No, I'm not going to be featured on an episode of Criminal Minds. Yes, I feel better having said what I had to say and quite frankly I think it's ok to validate your negative feelings from time to time, holding on to them can only make you feel worse. Yes, it's ok to expect more from the people you are close with in your life. No, it's not ok to think this was all about you. And yes, it's ok for people to check in with their friends to make sure they're ok.
Truth is, many Mom's get angry, but the anger seems to stems from disappointment. It's not disappointment from a group of friends you hang out with from time to time, it's not from people you touched base with monthly, and it's not from people who have young children of their own (in fact, I'm sure new Moms understand even more why these friends are busy). It's disappointment from someone in your life that you expected more from. That you've told a hundred times, that 8 o'clock is a horrible time to call, or that going out at dinner just doesn't work for you, or to put their phone away so that they can actually get to know your son. It's not people who are awkward because they don't know what to do. It's people who are awkward, oblivious, or just inconsiderate and should know what to do.
I started this blog as a hobby because I enjoy creative writing and I needed an outlet to regain my sense of self. I needed to do something that made my brain 'flip-the-switch' so to speak back to the academically driven woman I used to be. I needed a piece of her back to feel like I didn't totally lose myself when I became I Mother. I needed to do something for me, so I could be an even better mother to my sweet, hilarious, wonderful boy who has such a large piece of my heart I don't know if he'll ever understand my love for him. I never quite expected to have so many people reading what I had to say, but it seems like a lot of you feel the same way as I do from time to time and that's pretty damn cool. With over 7000's page views, I am most certainly humbled that you take the time to read my work.
Hark, the sound of a waking babe beckons... Nap time is over...until next time :)
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Hey... See that Top Mommy Blog icon at the top left of your screen? Take two seconds to click it if you like my blog. Two seconds... that's it, that's all. Click. Done. Criss Cross Applesauce Baby. You awesome peeps have gotten me up to #15 out 80 for of funny mom blogs.... think we can get me into the top 10???
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