Wednesday, 20 February 2013

A little Pat Sajak never hurt anyone...

Get ready to judge me yet again, but I do let my child watch television and no I'm not worried that he'll have ADHD because of it (I'm quite certain his genetic make-up already set him up to be the tazmanian devil of energy that he is, so I doubt a little TV is really going to change much...).  Try staying at home all day with a 7 month old and tell me you don't have your TV on.  I'll admit, my TV stays on for most of the day if I'm home -- it's too damn quiet around here without it (and quite frankly, lonely).  A little bit of Kelly and Micheal with the morning coffee, some PVR'd Biggest Loser in the afternoon with a splash of Saved By the Bell reruns while dinner is being made never hurt anyone I'm sure (my son LOVES the theme song to Saved By The Bell and AC Slaters epic perm).  Now as soon as Judgy Justine reads this she obviously pictures me with my ass is parked on the couch all day eating cheetos while my child roams around the house crying, soiled, and hungry, which is exactly how I spend all of my days (said no mother ever...).  And then I stumbled upon this gem of an article written by either a childless person or a Judy McJudgy (Justine's sister..) parent who has long since stopped reading my blog because it offends them.  The level of fear mongering was so hilarious that  I thought I'd share a couple of my favorite excerpts.... and then re-write them for all the regular parents in the crowd... 

  • Excerpt A: "But there's a price for allowing your kids to watch TV -- their language development, social and cognitive skills may suffer as a result.  Here are the main reasons why TV watching is bad for your baby."
  • Modified Excerpt A: "But there's a price for allowing a mother not to shower, have a cup of coffee, or be able to make dinner -- her hygiene, eating habits, and overall heath will suffer as a result.  These are a few main reasons why some TV watching is not bad for your baby."

  • Excerpt B: "Fourteen month old babies who watch an hour (60 minutes) of TV every day scored one-third lower on developmental tests, compared to babies of the same age who didn't watch TV.  Their developmental scores were still considered in the normal range, but the discrepancy still alarmed researchers."
  • Modified Excerpt B:  "Fourteen month old babies who watched Jeopardy on TV instead of the evening news and were brought to Wal-Mart while being subjected to the company of trashy, weird people who smelt of pennies and cigarette smoke who tried to touch them and give their mother parenting advice for an hour (...which is 60 minutes, incase you forgot how long an hour was) scored one third-lower on a make believe test that really determines nothing, compared to babies of the same age that didn't watch out for falling prices.  Their developmental scores were still considered completely the same as any other child, but the researchers were alarmed that they could no longer purchase Big Mouth Billy Bass, but were excited to see that Pajama Jeans and Eggies were in the "As Seen On TV" section by the cashiers."

  • Excerpt C:  "The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend that parents allow children under age 2 to watch television.  Their reasoning is that the first two years of your child's life is important to his brain's growth and development.  Kids need positive face to face interaction with adults and other kids.  For children over age 2, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends only one or two hours of educational and nonviolent television programs, which should be supervised by parents."
  • Modified Excerpt C:  "The American Academy of Pediatrics does not know what it is like to have a child under the age of 2.  The Common Sense Commissioner of Candy Land says that having a television on in your household will not damage your child anymore than letting them play with tupperware while crawling around on your carpet that you definately have not recently steam cleaned (don't lie, it's filthy... I can see all the invisible germs from over here...).  A child's growth and development is important at all ages, and just because your TV is on in your home does not mean that inturn your child experiences negative interactions with others.  For children over the age of 2, the Common Sense Commissioner recommends only one or two hours of nonviolent TV daily (...just incase you were thinking about letting your 3 year old watch Criminal Minds before they go to bed...), which parents should use as time to catch up on laundry, make meals, have a cup of coffee, or take a shower...

  • Excerpt D:  The researchers in this study found that no matter what was played on TV (regardless of whether it was baby-friendly shows or adult television shows), watching television hampered rich social interaction between parent and child.  Even when the babies and their parents actively interacted, just the fact that the television stayed on (even if it was only for a few minutes), the researchers still saw a significant drop in the baby's vocalizations and over all cognitive ability.
  • Modified Excerpt D:  Really.  Really?  I don't even have the patience to modify this one.  So you're saying that even after only a few minutes of TV my child's development has been 'hampered' and he is now dumber?  I'd like to solve the puzzle Pat.

Show me your flawed research methods on that one American Association of Pediatrics.  I'd like to argue that even a few minutes of watching the witty and always entertaining Pat Sajak will improve my child's comedic timing, and vocabulary because he'll be solving those puzzles like a boss.

Want to read the actual article just to see I didn't make it up... here you go... Prepare to be fear mongered.

Oh and as a wonderful cherry on top of a cupcake side note... the author of this delightful article  and I quote, " the founder and editor of Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy and Babies.  She's an expert on pregnancy and women's heath..."  But wait for it...she's is NOT a medical doctor and spends her free time writing children's novels and loving on her dog.  Childless, without a medical degree.... yet somehow is dispensing advice on parenting.  How does that saying go, don't judgementally blog about shit without walking a mile in someone else's spit-up covered shoes...? 

Oh 1989 TV Guide, you're hilarious... Now that's great advice. 

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1 comment:

  1. While I agree TV isn't a substitute for parenting and/or teaching, I also agree that some of the so-called hazards expressed were a bit severe i.e. Excerpt D. A bit melodramatic, methinks. ;)