Saturday, 19 January 2013

If you're easily offended by the mention of boobies, don't read this post...

Remember the controversy over this shocking Time magazine cover photo?  It sparked debates beside many-o-water coolers discussing when one should stop breastfeeding.  Argued was the balance between "breast is best" and social appropriateness of nursing your child beyond infancy.  But don't worry -- I won't talk about any of that.  In fact, looking at my engorged self in the mirror today -- I figured this lady out.  

I understand why she doesn't want to stop breast feeding, and it's not for the conventional reasons you may think.  Yes, breast-milk is a magical substance that changes to meet your child's ever changing needs.  It protects them from illness by increasing their immunity by transferring Mommy's antibodies on to fight the good fight.  And of course, breast-feeding creates a special bond between mother and child...but that's not it.  

A visual representation of my engorged melons.
I love my new boobs.  No, I don't think you don't understand... I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new boobs.  This is coming from a grown woman who, when not breast feeding, has teeny-tiny-tatters.  Sub-A cup I assume I would be, if they made such a cup.  In fact, I could probably still train those boobies if I didn't feel like less of a woman for shopping in the juniors section.  So a generous (on Victoria's Secrets part) 36-A was my pre-breastfeeding-boobies.  

For all you non-boobie compromised women out there, Victoria's Secret is that she doesn't think that there are women with breasts that small.  That's right.  Every time I've gone in there, I've felt like I'm the last person being picked for the dodge ball team.  None, and I mean NONE of the pretty, gorgeous, look at what I can do for your bosom, bras come in a 36-A.  My only three choices have always been one style of push-up bra (never the phenomenal miracle worker push up bra that is advertised all over the store) in white, beige, or black.  Imagine my excitement.  Thus, I have never been able to buy pretty panties with the matching bra because of their rude prejudice against the booby-impaired.  That's right, I was discriminated against for having tiny-titties.  But I shall feel left out no more!  

So you guessed it, I have no intention to stop breastfeeding anytime soon.  Forget it.  Are you crazy?  My tata's are now a beautiful small C.  That's right ladies.  I can finally fill out a top like it was intended to.  I sometimes have to wear a scarf to minimize how inappropriate my cleavage is in certain situations (I say sometimes, because really, I don't mind having the ladies oggled).  I even can shake them like a Polaroid picture while Zumba'ing.   It's like the universe apologizing for stretching my lady-flower beyond recognition during child birth, by handing out a free breast augmentation with every human made (limited time offer). 

So mock the Time lady if you will.  Debate her reasons until you're blue in the face.  But take a good look at her breasts and I'm sure you'll agree...she didn't want to stop breastfeeding.  Not for any of the noble reasons that were written about in such a prestigious magazine...but because she, like me, is in no hurry* to trade in her temporary motor-boating-beauties for saggy empty milk bags.   

*I have no intention of nursing my son into junior-high, this post was for pure comedic purposes only.  Well, and to let my new boobies know how I truly feel about them.  For some reason, Hallmark didn't seem to have a card that captured the right sentiment.

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