Thursday, 17 January 2013

You can only make me feel inferior if I give you permission...

Alright, I'll admit it.  I'm a type A personality.  I have my own way of doing things and I really don't need your help nor will I ask for it, thank you very much.  Honestly, I won't ask for help no matter how much I need it.  I could be drowning in the middle of the Atlantic ocean and likely refuse the offer of your life jacket because I thought I might be able to swim to that ship, waaaaaaaay over there... (or is that just a bird?).  So imagine how much more difficult I make my life, from this inherent personality trait of mine, now that I have a wee child of a mere 6 months old.    

Most days I feel like super-mom but it happens, that moment when you no longer can do it on your own -- and you give in.  This has happened far more times than I can count since my son was born (and even when I was very robustly --yes that's a polite way of saying 'hippopotamus like'-- pregnant) and I have learned some pretty heavy lessons.  There are two types of people that you encounter while requiring help:

1.  The "no-problem-I'll-stop-what-I'm-doing-to-help-you-because-I-know-you-never-ask-for-help-and-must-need-it-badly-and-I-love-you" kind of person.  They are your rocks.  You love them.  They deserve all things good because they are so wonderful.  They potentially are on the road to sainthood.     

2. The "well-no-not-right-now-because-it's-not-about-me-but-I-could-help-you-later-when-its-inconvienent-for-you-but-convinent-for-me-and-I'll-be-sure-to-complain-about-you-later-to-anyone-who-will-listen-because-you-didn't-accept-my-help-after-I-didn't-offer-it-when-you-needed-it-so-shame-on-you-for-forgetting-you-can't-rely-on-me" kind of person.  

Ok, that was a little wordy and clearly hitting a little close to home but maybe you know who I'm talking about.  That person who you try to let into your life, but is a constant source of disappointment because you don't want them to suck as bad as they do, but really they're just hopeless and shitty but they think they're awesome.  I've also noticed that these people are often pretty religious.  Not the normal, I pray to a deity, and am a nice person kind of religious.  The preachy, hallelujah, I'm a pharisee type of religious.  You know, the Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks your an ... well you get the point.  You really only ask them if you're REALLY in a bind, and they always make you feel like it's your fault they can't help you because watching 'Biggest Loser*' (see the irony in that?) or filling up their half-full tank of gas is more important than you and your child?   You're never ahead of the game after asking this type of person for help, infact, you feel worse having done so.  So new rule -- NEVER ask them for help.  Why?  Because nothing good can come of it.

*The name of this reality show has been changed to protect the identity of this fictional non-helpful person.

But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention my ultimate favorite person, when I don't need help at all, ready for it?  You know who it is... you've met them while grocery shopping, or while in the mall, or maybe at Chapters.... the "let-me-offer-you-my-opinion-even-though-you-don't-want-it-because-I-think-I-know-your-child-better-than-you-do" person.  Always a woman, usually your Mom's age.  Thinks they're deadly because they had a kid 803 years ago that they fed rice cereal (that they milled themselves) at the age of 4 days old while walking to school uphill both ways in a snow storm.  Listen lady, there is nothing wrong with my child so stop asking me, "Aw, what's wrong with him."  Nothing, he's bloody perfect and I'll cut his hair when I'm good and ready.  Also, spare me your two-cents that you think he's hungry because he's fussing while I wait in line for my venti-skinny-extra-hot-cappicino.  I fed him 27 minutes ago, biotch, so when I tell you he's tired, he's tired.  Capeesh?  She rolls her eyes at you because clearly she's right, obviously you're starving your baby and she should immediately call child protective services.  Three minutes later, with a hot beautiful cup of love in your hand, your child is now sleeping while you search out that broad to give her a "thats-right-biotch-who's-right-now?" look.

But the point of this whole rant is that no one knows your child better than you.  NO ONE.  You grew them inside of your body for God sakes.  So here's the clincher, we can't let them shake our confidence because like the great Elenor Rosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  So chin up, and stand tall ladies.  When you need help, ask those that you know won't make you feel like the worst Mother in the world for asking -- and God forbid we have to go to those-who-shall-not-be-named people...take it with a grain of salt when they make a thousand excuses of why they can't right now, and don't give them any power over you and definitely don't give them permission to make you feel guilty for thinking you could rely on them.  You got this.  You'll figure it out.  You can do this. Hell, if you can grow a human -- what can't you do?  You are super-mom after-all.  

5 Reasons You Are a Super-Mom
1. You created a human.  Seriously, think about that for a second.
2. You are a shape-shifter.  (Take a look back at yourself 38 weeks pregnant -- now look down at your belly now--how the hell is that possible?).
3.  You're capable of creating a life nourishing substance that changes with your baby's growing needs.  Talk about magic.
4.  Abracadabra...You're sleep-proof!  Could you even imagine before you procreated how little sleep you can actually survive on?
5.  Take a look at that little munchkin of yours, maybe they're sleeping right now (yeah, right!) or rolling around crazy on the floor, or crying as you try to bounce them and balance your iPhone in your hand while surfing the internet... wherever they are ...they're healthy and loved and safe and beautiful and smart and perfect and happy.  All because of you.   Pretty super isn't it?

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